Sepi yang gue rasain ini bukan lagi sepi yang biasa. Awalnya semua terasa hambar dan terlihat hitam-putih aja. Mulai terasa waktu gue masih heboh-hebohnya keluyuran café to café sampe subuh. Tergeletak lemaz tiap w’end, dehidrasi akibat alcohol semalem…bener-bener bikin gw mikir ‘this life isn’t worth living.’ So, as the 1^st step….I thought I have to quit from all of it. So my sequestered life had begun.
Hal pertama yang gw lakuin adalah menghilang. Menghilang dari lingkungan gw. I denied every invitation. Gw menenggelamkan diri kedalam otak gw dalem-dalem. Bener-bener menanyakan apa yang gw mau dengan hidup gw. Aktifitas gue lebih banyak tenggelam didalam buku-buku. Semua jenis bacaan gue embat finance, business, segala jenis novel, tabloid gosip, cell phone magazine – nonton stasiun TV berita luar negri, nonton segala jenis film…intinya gue sibuk ama diri sendiri, ah ya..ga lupa terus chatting hahahaha….
Amazingly…I feel that I’m happier, more alive and release my anger. Walau entah kenapa semangat hidup gue masih menurun sedikit demi sedikit. My excitement of life had gone fade. I haven’t found my ‘red spot.’ Until one day….
There was a guy, he said to me: “lemme be your red spot…lemme fill what is mizing in you life…in your heart. Coz whatever it is I wanna be it….coz I want you. And only you.” Fiuh…his words totally imaged me! I feel that I was wanted! Needed! And..BOOM! I’m alive. I felt so. Gw ngerasa hidup gw berwarna-warni lagi. Warna merah gw udah ketemu……….
Is he my red spot? Coz ‘till now….sometime, I still remember him and his words. I never felt that I’m wanted the way he did to me.
Ada saat dimana gue ngebutuhin orang lain..ada juga saat dimana ternyata gue lebih bahagia sendirian. Sendiri bukan berarti sepi – bukan berarti ga ada orang disekitar gue. Tapi sendiri deep down inside…..no one’s living in my heart. But the most important thing, don’t ever doubts whenever you want to disconnect yourself from someone or something that did not make you happy. Karena ternyata hidup ‘sendirian’ bukan berarti kesepian. Sequestered life isn’t that painful as your thought. We are all free on our mind. And finally…..Have you found your ‘red spot?’